So George went to the meeting and Bright spoke for two hours without stopping. When George got back to the office at last, the boss was waiting for him.

"Well, George," he said. "What did the old man say ?" "Absolutely nothing," said George.

The boss wasn't surprised. "All right, George," he said. "You'd better not write more than two and a half columns on it.

15.09.11 (3)

Many years ago an English lady in Africa was invited by an important local chief to be the first person to use his new bath-the first one in that part of Africa.

The lady went into the bath-house, turned on the taps and got into the nice, warm water. But when she looked up, she was frightened to see an eye watching her through a hole. She got out, dressed and ran outside. She saw and old man and a donkey there. He was carrying a petrol tin of hot water in one hand, and one of cold water in the other, and in front of him were two funnels.

"Why were you watching me in my bath ?" the lady asked him angrily.

The man answered politely, "I have to see which tap you turn on, madam, or I don't know whether to pour in hot or cold water."

22.09.11 (4)

Mr Edwards and Mr Wilson were friends. They were sitting in a train when another man came in. There was going to be an election soon, and Mr Edwards and Mr Wilson began talking about politics. Mr Edwards supported the Labour Party strongly.

Suddenly the third man began to argue with Mr Edwards. He supported the Conservatives.

They argued for a long time, and then Mr Edwards said, "Well, I can't make you change your mind, and you can't make me change mine, so let's have an agreement : I won't vote for the Labour Party, and you won't vote for the Conservative Party. Then we'll be able to stay at home comfortably, and nobody will lose anything." The other man agreed.

They all got out at the same station, and Mr Edwards drove Mr Wilson home in his car.

"That's the fifteenth person I've made that agreement with," he said to him.

29.09.11 (5)

Some people were queuing outside the Scala Theater for tickets for a very popular show. They had to wait for several hours, and during that time they were entertained by a young man who was playing very nicely on a trumpet. The queue enjoyed his music and put quite lot of money in the box that he had o the ground in front of him.
At last one of the people in the queue said to him 'You play too well to be a beggar.'
'I'm not a beggar,' the young man said. 'I'm studying to be a trumpet player in a big band, and have to practiSE (именно 's') several hours every day, so I thought it would be nice to do it in the fresh air instead of in my small room on days when the weather was nice-and also to get a bit of money at the same time.'

6.10.11 (6)

Mr Richards worked in a shop which sold, cleaned and repaired hearing-aids. One day an old gentleman entered and put one down in front of him withou saying a word.
'What's the matter with it?' Mr Richards said. The man did not answer. Of course Mr Richards thought that the man must be deaf and that his hearing-aid must be faulty, so he said again, more loudly, 'What's wrong with your hearing-aid, sir?' Again the man said nothing, so Mr Richards shouted his question again as loudly as he could.
The man then took a pen and a piece of paper and wrote: 'It isn't necessary to shout when you're speaking to me. My ears are as good as yours. This hearing-aid is my wife's, not mine. I've just had a throat operation, and my problem is not that I can't hear, but that I can't speak.'

13.10.11 (7)

Mrs Grey was old and deaf, and she was in court, accusing a neighbour of allowing his dogs to come into her garden, damage her vegetables and run after her cat and her chickens.

After hearing both sides, the judge thought that it would be best and cheapest for everybody if Mrs Grey and her neighbour could come to some sort of arrangement to settle the matter between themselves, so he asked the lawyer who was representing Mrs Grey to find out how much money she wanted from her neighbour in order to stop the action against him.

Her lawyer explained to her what was happening, but Mrs Grey could not hear what he said, so he repeated loudly, "The judge wants to know what you will take."

"Oh thank you very much," Mrs Grey answered politely. "Please tell him that I'll have a glass of beer."

20.10.11 (8)

A man who was bored with living in London and desired to move to the country was looking for a house from which he could get to his office in the city easily every day. one day he saw an advertisement for a suitable house in Hampshire which was claimed to be within a stone's throw of a railway station from which there were frequent trains to London.
He telephoned the house agency and arranged to go down by train the next day and have a look at the house.
The house agent met him at the station and they drove to the house, which was at least a kilometre from the station.
The man who had come to see the house turned to the house agent when they reached it and objected, "I should be very interested to meet the man who threw that stone you memtioned in your advertisement!"

27.10.11 (9)

A famous writer who was visiting Japan was invited to give a lecture at a university to a large group of students. As most of them could not understand spoken English, he had to have an interpreter.

During his lecture he told an amusing story which went on for rather a long time. At last he stopped to allow the interpreter to translate it into Japanese, and was very surprised when the man did this in a few seconds, after which all the students laughed loudly.

After the lecture, the writer thanked the interpreter for his good work and then said to him, "Now please tell me how you translated that long story of mine into such a short Japanese one."

"I didn't tell the story at all, " the interpreter answered with a smile. "I just said, "The honorable lecturer has just told a funny story. You will all laugh, please."

3.11.11 (10)