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SO YOU WANT TO PICK THE PERFECT NIGHT CLUB?

Familiarize yourself in the city.Living in the city can be tough. So it’s only natural that every five days or so, we ease the stress of work/school/relationships/sobriety by indulging in the pleasures of the nightlife. Only when you’re in the perfect night club (where the music is pumping, the beautiful people are crowding the dance floor) that $35 traffic ticket can vanish into oblivion.

If you are relatively new to a big city (or if you have little night club experience), the mere thought of navigating the maze of clubs can be enough to bring on a migraine. Fear not, nightlife novices, for after reading this article, you will be equipped with the information you need to rapidly seek out and conquer the perfect night club, rave, or whatever your choice may be. A club that will help you forget your problems, ease your pain.

So to find a good club, you must first familiarize yourself with different parts of your city: the various neighbourhoods and the type of scenes they offer. See, clubs tend to reflect the neighbourhood they’re in. So in an upscale neighbourhood, you’ll find upscale clubs. In a scummy neighbourhood, you’ll find scummy clubs. In a college neighbourhood, you’ll find college clubs. In a neighbourhood of a predominant ethnicity, you’ll find clubs with similar music and clientele. So to start out, decide what sort of atmosphere you are looking for, and concentrate on the corresponding area of town.

Naturally, this is only a basic guideline. After all, there’s no “hip-hop” neighbourhood, or “dance” neighbourhood. For those, you usually have to go into “the city.” “The city” means the central area where things are happening. In Philadelphia, it would be Centre City. In New York, it would be Manhattan. In L.A., it would be West Hollywood. If you’re not sure what your equivalent of “the city” is, then it means that: 1) you already live there, or 2) you’re so far away from one, that you shouldn’t worry about it. If you fall under option 1, then keep reading. If you fall under option 2, then go buy some beer from your local 7-11 and pray that you eventually move to a bigger town.

Other potential sources for surveying the offerings of any metropolis are the free weekly papers (every city has one). These papers typically list almost all of the city’s clubs, what the offerings are for each night of the week, their addresses, phone numbers and possibly a brief review. They will tell you whether there is a cover charge, if there are any deals (e.g., Ladies Night), and if there are any special events planned.

In addition, you can pick up some pointers by simply talking to friends with similar tastes, or surf some relevant web sites when it comes to finding out about location, cover charge, type of music and entertainment and dress code. Keep in mind that the larger clubs in touristy areas of town are typically more crowded, less selective at the door, and not as creative when it comes to music. So the most obvious spots, while a good place to start out, probably won’t be your regular hangouts. A bit of investigation will reward you with a more satisfying night.

Music. No amount of research, however thorough, can ensure that you will end up in the club of your dreams. A good thing to consider when making your decision about where to spend the night is the type of music or entertainment you desire. If you are into hard-core house music, stay away from the club advertising disco night. If you are in the mood to dance hip-hop or feel like Latin music, seek out clubs offering this specifically. Again, the free weekly papers typically offer detailed descriptions and reviews of the DJs, musical acts or other entertainment performing at local venues.

Cost.It is also wise to think about how much money you are willing to spend before you go out. Any club charging a high cover price ($15 - $30 or more) is likely to be just as expensive when it comes to buying drinks or food inside. At a more expensive establishment, drinks are likely to average about $8 - $10. By the time you pay for parking or a taxi, the night can end up costing a small fortune. Also realize that if you hate the first club and decide to go to another one, you don't get your cover charge money back.

The more popular the club, the more selective they will be at the door. If you have chosen a quiet spot for the evening, getting in will not be much of an issue. But it is practically a law that club owners will keep a hungry mob outside the velvet ropes purely for the free advertisement it insures, so if you want to be a player, take careful note of the two most important factors when it comes to actually making it through the door: the attire and the attitude.

Attire. In a perfect world, we would all be immediately embraced by every decent human being, regardless of appearance. But when it comes to hitting the clubs, the rule is “dress to impress.” Depending on what type of club you have chosen, the dress code will vary. Some live music venues or less formal clubs are more relaxed with their dress codes, while dance clubs, supper clubs and cabarets will have a fairly strict dress code and not allow anyone to wear jeans, sneakers, baseball caps or anything that you might toss on for a quick trip out with the dog.

Attitude.A confident “I belong here” attitude is key to your approach, but once you are face to face with the powers that be, you should be relaxed, respectful and patient. Being pushy and demanding is one way to bar your entrance to the promised land, possibly for good.

The odds of getting in differ considerably for males and females. Women are almost always welcome with open arms, and typically will need to make little effort. If you are a female and looking your best, make your way up to the front of the mob, make eye contact with the doorman, and inform him of how many are in your party. The more females the better. You shouldn’t wait for admission long.

If you are of the male persuasion, there are a couple of strategies that may be employed. First of all, if you are with a large group of men, your chances of getting in are slim, so it is better to bring along some female friends who’ll get you in with them. In the event that you have never actually had a female friend in your life, now would be the best time to make one. If you find yourself in the same place an hour after arriving, don’t waste your time. Find another club before the night passes you by and it’s Monday again.

So you’ve made it through the door and found your way to the bar. And now you’re on your own. Keep in mind that while clubbing is usually a lot of fun, there are a lot of creeps out there too, so be careful and always bring your mace along with you.

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