Unit 10. The establishment

BRIT-THINK:Whom, then, do Brits unreservedly love? They love entrenched members of THE ESTABLISHMENT. These are the people who have assured Brits for two generations that Nothing Is Wrong ... despite all appearances to the contrary. They are, of course, society’s winners; the ‘I’m-Alright-Jack’ set, with a stake in the status quo. They are fortunate in the character of the British proletariat, since average Brits are not inclined to follow malcontents with axes to grind – even when provoked, frustrated or impoverished. They’re content to allow ‘top people’ to run the show, as long as wage-packets keep rough pace with inflation, and the Clapham Omnibus runs on time.

If the Establishment’s track record is less than dazzling, it is nevertheless unchallenged. Brit-prol is not by nature revolutionary – (or even evolutionary) – and generally takes the view that ‘better the devil you know’. There’s a world-weary acceptance of Empires lost, opportunities unfulfilled. Would-be political agitators have ever found that Brits are civilized pessimists, given to constant recrimination – but no action. Top People are utterly safe, and can rest easy ... if they can stand the carping.

Yanks – who lack Brit-radar – may be hard-pressed to identify members of said Establishment. By definition, these are the Chosen People at the apex of the class system. Appearances can deceive, since they may have money or may not; but what they all share is influence. Many were born great, some had greatness thrust upon them, and a very few achieved greatness.

Indeed, the definition is fairly vague in Brit-minds. Some refer to ‘the Establishment’, and mean anyone who votes Tory and earns more than £20,000 a year. Some narrow it down to power-brokers – people with real political clout, like captains of industry, Fleet Street proprietors, and cousins to the Queen. There are, of course, worrying grey areas. Is Bob Geldof a member of the Establishment, or not? If in doubt, try this simple litmus test:

The Brit-Establishment includes anyone who:

1) shops for basic groceries (cornflakes, Fairy Liquid) at Harrods;

2) is regularly mentioned in Tatler, Dempster’s column, the business pages of the Daily Telegraph, the FT; and/or Private Eye; or has been cloned in latex by Spitting Image;

3) is related to the Royal Family (however distantly), had relatives who were equerries (however briefly), is a hereditary or life-peer (regardless of political affiliation);

4) ever attended Oxford or Cambridge (Yes, anyone);

5) sends children to private schools (day or boarding);

6) is (or whose father was) ‘something in the City’;

7) appeared in the LIVE-AID concert;

8) has an unearned income which tops £5,000 a year;

9) does not work, and is not in receipt of social security;

10) owns a national newspaper; has shares in – or sits on the Board of – a broadcasting company;

11) has ever attended a Royal Command performance of anything;

12) knows where to park in Knightsbridge.

It does not include such instruments of the Establishment as:

1) the police (they’re just following instructions);

2) enlisted military men (they’re just following orders);