XENOPHOBE’S GUIDE TO THE BRITISH

Mial Antony, Milsted David

It is generally believed that the English are more formal than they really are. In fact, in day-to-day contact with each other they are less inclined to formality than the French or the Germans. The custom of men deferring to women is now some-what on the wane, thanks to the strenuous efforts of the apostles of political correctness who see it more as condescension than consideration. It is no longer in fashion to jump to your feet when a woman enters the room, whether or not there are enough chairs.

However informal they are in their manners or address, when it comes to physical contact, the English are still deeply reserved. They are not a tactile people. When greeting each other, men will shake hands on a first meeting but probably avoid doing so on subsequent ones. The preferred English handshake is a brief, vigorous affair with no hint of lingering. Women may kiss on one or both cheeks; if they do, the miss-kiss is preferred. Men kiss women in greeting, but only on the cheek. Most Englishmen never hug or kiss other men. They leave that to football players and foreigners. In public places, the English make strenuous efforts not to touch strangers even by accident. If such an accident should occur, apologies are fulsome but should never be used as an excuse for further conversation.

Foreigners look with amazement at the English queue. It is not their way of doing things at all. But for the English, queuing is a way of life. Many still consider that one of the few plus points of the last war was the proliferation of queues. There were queues for everything. People would join one and then ask the person in front what the queue was for. And that is the secret of English queue-mania. A queue is the one place where it is not considered bad manners to talk to a stranger without being introduced.

The English appear to be a deeply serous people. This gives an added piquancy to the English sense of humour. For it comes as a surprise to foreigners to find that it exists at all. English humour, like the will-o’-the wisp, refuses to be caught and examined and just when you think you have cracked it, you realize that you have been duped once again. The English love irony and expect others to appreciate it too.

will-o’-the wisp [,wil əð΄wisp] неуловимый предмет или человек

ABOUT MYSELF

Let me tell you some words about myself. My name is Alexander. My surname is Bolshov. But my friends and relatives call me Sasha for short. I am 20 years old. I am not married yet. I was born in a small Russian town Vladimir in 1986. I finished secondary school number 23 with honours. At school I was good at maths and English. Besides I was fond of reading and sports. I still go to the gym several times a week. It helps me keep fit and cheerful. Besides I go swimming every Saturday.

Now I live and study in Moscow. I am a third year student of the Moscow State University. Three years ago I entered the Faculty of Economy and Management. I study by correspondence. I must say it is no easy matter to study and work at the same time. I work as an accountant in a small firm. I like my job because it is interesting and well-paid. But it takes me a lot of time. Sorry to say I live quite far from the centre. I rent a small flat. If I have some spare time I try to spend it with my friends or I go to my native town to see my relatives. Sometimes I miss them very much.

Soon I will graduate from the University and I am going to look for a job in a bank or some big firm.

MY FAMILY AND I

Let me introduce myself. My name is John. My full name is John Riddle. I am 30 years old. I am a journalist by profession, a foreign correspondent to be exact. The life and work of a foreign correspondent are quite interesting but not so easy at the same time. I have often to go on business. I must speak at least 2 languages. I speak German and French fluently. You see my job takes me a lot of time, but I am fond of it.

If I have a spare minute, I try to spend it with my family. I am married. My wife’s name is Jackie. She is 28 years old. Jackie is a housewife. My wife is a pretty woman with dark hair and blue eyes. Jackie runs our house and looks after the children.

We have nice twins, Eric and David. They are 3 years old. My wife and I do our best to bring up our boys. They are the image of me: both have fair hair and grey eyes. Eric and David are as like as two peas.

I must say, I am very busy during the week, so I try to relax at the weekend. We usually go to the country where we have a cosy house with a garden.

Besides we have a lot of relatives: aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. We get on very well, love and respect all of them. So we are a happy and friendly family.

MY DAILY ROUND

On weekdays the alarm-clock wakes me up at 6.30 and my working day begins. I am not an early riser so it is rather difficult for me to get out of bed especially in winter. Then I go to the bath-room, take a warm shower, clean my teeth and get dressed. I make my breakfast myself. While having breakfast I listen to the radio or look through newspapers.

I leave the house at 7.30. It takes me half an hour to get to the office. I work as a staff correspondent in the local daily. It is a very interesting job and it takes me a lot of time. Every day I speak with different new people, listen to them, take interviews and write articles. At 1 o’clock in the afternoon we have lunch in a small café just round the corner. Usually I work till 5. I come home at about 7 o’clock. I have supper. Then I sit in the living-room, drink tea, watch TV, call my friends or read foreign newspapers. It is always interesting for me to know what my foreign colleagues write.

Sometimes I have to stay at work till 6 or even 7 o’clock in the evening. When we have a lot of things to do we go to work on Saturdays. So by the end of the week I get very tired. All I can do on Sundays is to sleep till 11, watch TV, listen to music and read something in English.

And still I always look forward to my next working day because I like my job. I think it is very interesting and important.

MEALS

The usual meals in England are breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner or supper.

Breakfast is generally a bigger meal than they have on the Continent. In the morning Englishmen have their favourite breakfast of cornflakes with milk and sugar or porridge. They spread some marmalade on the toast and butter. They also have some coffee and a roll. Breakfast is often a quick meal.

The midday meal is called lunch (then the evening meal is called dinner) or dinner (then the evening meal is called supper). At about 1 o’clock most offices and small shops are closed for an hour. Factory workers usually eat in their canteens. The usual midday meal consists of two courses: a meat course with plenty of vegetables and a sweet pudding. Those who eat at home usually call this midday meal, dinner. It is a three- or four-course meal. The first course is soup. Then comes fish or meat served with various vegetables. Sometimes they have chicken or duck for a change. For dessert they have jelly or fruit.

Afternoon tea is taken at about 5 o’clock. This means a cup of tea and a cake or biscuit taken in the sitting room or at work.

If the midday meal is the chief one of the day in the evening they have much simpler supper: an omelette or sausage, sometimes bacon and eggs. But certainly it is not the same in every English home. The meal depends on the state of the housekeeping budget. Besides, tastes differ.

MY INSTITUTE

I am a student of the Moscow Institute of Humanitarian Sciences and Economics, Kirov branch. I am in the___ year of the Faculty of ___. The head Institute is in Moscow.

Kirov branch is rather young. It was opened in 1996, but very soon became one of the leading non-state higher education institutions of its kind in Kirov region. The Institute trains specialists for medium size and small business, state and private companies and enterprises in a number of specialities including economics, banking, taxation, accounting, law, management, psychology and journalistics.

In 1996 the Institute admitted its first students to the Faculty of Economy and Management, the Faculty of Law. In 1998 two more Faculties started working: the Social-Psychological and the Faculty of Journalism. Later the Faculty of Design appeared.

Now over ___ students study at the Institute, almost half of them are studying to obtain a second higher education. One can choose the most convenient form of studying: by correspondence, the day-time and the part-time forms. The students of the extra-mural and evening-time forms of studying acquire higher education without leaving their jobs.

The students of Institute have all conditions to get a good education. There are many specialists of great practical experience, Doctors of Sciences and professors who give lectures and do their best to give our students professional specialization. Today the Institute has 2 buildings for studies with specially equipped classrooms, laboratories, lecture-halls, several computer classes, a library and a stadium.

The students have a 3 or 6 year-of-studies-course. It depends on the faculty. Every day students have lectures, seminars, tutorials and practical experiences. They have two terms a year, then they pass their exams and have vacations in winter and in summer. After graduation from the Institute the students get a diploma. They can also continue their studies at the Post-Graduate School.