Guidelines and Rules of Email Etiquette

1. Use a descriptive subject line, avoid leaving it blank.

2. Address the recipient by name to add a personal touch to your letter.

3. DO NOT USE ALL CAPS!

4. Avoid over using punctuation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Avoid using abbreviations, such as IMHO (in my humble opinion) or TTYL (talk to you later), not everyone is familiar with them.

6. Avoid using HTML in your e-mails, not everyone can view it.

7. If you are sending an attachment, make note of it and describe what the attachment is for in the body, some people are very wary of attachments due to the threat of computer viruses.

8. Do not keep on sending the same message to the same person over and over again, if they don't respond after a few days, send them an e-mail enquiring if they received your first email.

9. When you receive a message reply to it as soon as you have time to.

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"I Can't Believe I Sent That!"

Imagine how heinous it would be if your most wicked e-mail landed in the wrong in-box. It happens...read on.

These days, many of us use e-mail as our personal diaries to vent to, confide in, or bitch to our friends. And why the heck not? It's so easy — and satisfying — to get something off your chest with a quick click and send. But what would happen if your finger slipped and those eye-popping secrets, naughty plans, and catty comments were accidentally sent to the last person (or group of people) you'd want to read them? Listen in as women share their very real, very mortifying "You got nailed" e-mail confessions that'll make you thank God you weren't sitting at their keyboards.

Subject: FW: Kim's bridal shower

Andrea frustrates the hell out of me. She says the opposite of everything I say. She doesn't even know Kim at all. I don't think she really cares about Kim having a good time anyway — it's more like she wants to make sure she has a good time. So annoying...

Sender: Donna, a bridesmaid

Intended readers: All the other bridesmaids except one, Andrea

Actual reader: Andrea

Subject: Re: UPDATE

So, I've got a new guy — pretty exciting! I'm not sure if he's The One, but the sex is good enough for now. But I must confess, I still can't stop thinking about the ex — especially the ex sex, which was HOT! At least he was good at one thing!

xoxo!
E
Sender: Erin

Intended reader: Robyn, Erin's best friend who's living abroad

Actual readers: Robyn's entire e-mail list, including her parents, teachers, and Erin's ex

Subject:Re: Re: My stupid boss

Dear Becky:

...I have no idea how my boss lost that much weight. He used to be a real tub of lard! But the last four months, he's been on some crazy diet and started getting up at 4:30 a.m. for spin class. Anyway, the other theory is that he is just plain going mentally insane. (Which would explain why he has that AWFUL tic where his head moves all around!!!) Talk to you soon!

:) Camille

Sender: Camille

Intended reader: Camille's friend Becky

Actual reader: Camille's boss's assistant

Subject: Re: Check this out!

OH MY GOODNESS! Read this e-mail I just got. This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about with her! She has got to be the most dramatic and pathetic person I know! See what I mean?!? You know, I'm getting so fed up, I can't even deal — the drama, the stinginess, the lies, the way she tries to make money off her friends, the way she snoops into my room and pilfers things and snoops into anything and everything that is personal — PSYCHO!!

All I have to say is DISGUSTING!

xoxo,
K
Sender: Keisha

Intended reader: Keisha's best friend

Actual reader: Keisha's roommate,the subject of the e-mail

Subject: Re: That nasty little dog

I hope that nasty little dog finally dies so we don't have to hear about it anymore!

Sender: Jane

Intended reader: Jane's coworker Selina

Actual reader: Another coworker, who is the dog's owner

Subject: Re: Party

Party was a hit! We should have more at our "loft" (aka the office)! Ciao,

Lara
PS: Attached are cool party photos!

Sender: Lara

Intended reader: Lara's coworker

Actual reader: Lara's boss, Alan

Текст 4

Funniest missed e-mail stories

WINNER

I was heading into a sales meeting with John, a director of a large telecoms company. Unfortunately, a colleague of mine sent me an e-mail saying that John's wife had left him for another woman which I didn't get. I got on fairly well with John and as the meeting progressed, asked him how his wife was. He replied that she'd left him for another woman and he didn't want to talk about it. I knew he was a joker and proceeded to wind him up. Needless to say, I didn't get the business, and nearly got a black eye! Chris Woolhouse, Kettering

Other quirkies

In mid July on a Sunny Friday afternoon, I decided to meet up with friends for a lazy lunch and a moan about the fact that I hadn't had a holiday all year. The lunch went on longer than expected and lunchtime melted into evening, needless to say the next time I went to work was on the Monday. That was when I saw the email from a girlfriend offering me a weeks diving in Sham El Sheikh for £50 but I had to let her know by 3pm on Friday as flights were on Saturday Morning. So rather than an Egyptian tan all I got was a hangover. Gary Thompson, London

Just before the total eclipse of the sun in 2000 viewable only from the South West I entered a short notice competition to win an all expenses paid trip to Devon for 5 days staying in a top hotel. I won and was notified by email but was working in France and therefore missed the email and the prize. I was gutted to say the least as I would have loved to have experienced the eclipse in its entirety. Andy Pratt, Kent

A man at my old work disappeared from the office for a few weeks. The Friday before he returned to work an e-mail was sent to everyone explaining that he was now a she. Unfortunately I was off on the Friday and when I returned to work on the Monday I asked if she was a new start to the horror of the department. Richard Walker, Edinburgh

I spent last Friday lunchtime in on my own in the pub with a round of six drinks I bought for my colleagues. I headed there straight from a meeting whilst the email of change of location went round. Jason Ellery, London

My colleague's brother works for a travel company, and every so often is given free holidays. One came up for 5 days in the Caribbean which neither of them were able to take, so an email went around offering it to the first reply! Unfortunately I was busy typing a letter, and by the time I checked my emails, someone in accounts had snapped it up! How annoying??!!! Laura Buckley, London

My boyfriend sent me an e-mail asking me to marry him!! I had left work early, as it was Friday looking forward to a big night out. When I arrived home I found out I had missed a candlelit dinner and a diamond ring!! My boyfriend, was silent and stony faced until I got him top believe I hadn't read the e-mail and stayed out all night to avoid him! Siobhan Harrison, London

I was going to Miami and had emailed the manager of a big league American DJ who was playing out there. I was hoping to blag my way in for a 4*VIP night. Unfortunately I hadn't heard by the time I set off if it was happening or not. Having gone along to the night I decided not to risk it and try the blag. so I spent $50 dollars on getting in and $200 behind the bar. Only to discover on my return to work the email I had been waiting for had arrived the day I set off. Gutted! Fergal Kilroy, London

My e-mail I missed was a friend sending me a tip for the Grand National. Imagine my annoyance when I found he had tipped the winner. Keith Wilson, Bicester

Last year I missed an email that let me know I'd won two all-weekend tickets to V2003. The package arrived Friday but I only picked it up Monday & for 30 seconds I was dead chuffed - until someone pointed out that they were for the weekend just gone. D'OH!! Dominic Thornton, London

Knowing how to write a letter is a fundamental skill you'll use in school, personal relationships, and business,

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E-MAILS

Advantages of E-mail

One of E-mail's chief virtues is that it is asynchronous—information can be exchanged without the participants having to interact at the same time. A second advantage of E-mail is its speed. In seconds you can send messages, indeed entire documents, across time zones. You can respond to messages in seconds as well. The speed of E-mail allows people to work at great distances from each other and still communicate effectively.

Another benefit of communicating by computer is its variability. Being able to contact large numbers of people with a single act represents an increase in efficiency. You no longer have to print and photocopy a document and then see that it is hand-delivered to the individuals on a mailing list. Using E-mail, you can distribute a document to any number of people with the click of a mouse.

Many people think that E-mail is a more democratic way of holding a discussion than the face-to-face meeting. it allows people at various levels in an organization to participate as equals in a discussion.

Well, then, if E-mail is so wonderful, and people feel so connected, why do they get so angry with one another?

Disadvantages of E-mail

Unfortunately, many of E-mail's virtues can also be drawbacks. A variety of forms means a variety of audiences, some of which may include normative speakers of English, who may not understand American idioms or allusions to American culture.

E-mail discussions may be more democratic than face-to-face meetings, but equality of communication can increase the number of suggested solutions to a problem, making it more difficult for people to reach a consensus.

It is hard to remember what sort of audience you are addressing when all you can see is text on a screen. There is no one sitting around a table. You cannot see people's clothes. You miss their facial expressions and cannot tell what tone of voice they are using.

Because it is so hard to size up the social situation, it is easy to say things that can have unwanted consequences.

Informality

Because certain forms of E-mail resembles conversation, they tend to be more informal in tone than conventional print writing. E-mailers commonly use contractions and abbreviated expressions. They often omit pronoun subjects, as in don't know for I don't know, depends for it depends, and glad you asked for I am glad that you asked. Another common practice is the use of gonna for going to, gotta for have got to, and thru for through. Many people use acronyms to stand for commonly used expressions or to indicate attitudes and emotional responses.

Acronym	Expression
BBL	Be Back Later
BFN	Bye For Now
BTW	By The Way
HSIK	How Should I Know
IAE	In Any Event
IMO	In My Opinion
IOW	In Other Words
JFYI	Just For Your Information
LOL	Laughing Out Loud
NBD	No Big Deal
NOYB	None Of Your Business
OIC	Oh, I See
OTL	Out To Lunch
OTOH	On The Other Hand
PMFJI	Pardon Me For Jumping In
ROTFL	Rolling On The Floor Laughing
TIC	Tongue In Cheek
TTYL	Talk To You Later
WRT	With Respect To

Perhaps the most famous of all visual conventions are the "emoticons" or "smileys" that people use to summarize emotions.

Emoticon	Emotion
:-)	Happy
>(	Sad
:-<	Very Sad or Upset
:-0	Shocked or Amazed
:-D	Laughing
;-)	Winking
>l	Bored or Uninterested
8-|	What next!
8-0	Extremely Shocked
>]	Smirk, happy sarcasm
:-[	Grimace, sad sarcasm
>}	Grinning
:-\	Undecided
:-#	Sealed Lips
:-&	Tongue-tied
:-I	Hmmm

Текст6

Dear Sir

Andy Rooney

Do you sometimes wish you could give a boss a piece of your mind without losing your job? Well, the columnist and humorist Andy Rooney does, and he's found a way to do so without suffering the consequences. In this selection, he tells off his boss and others who are sources of everyday frustration.

For every letter I actually write and mail, I compose a hundred in my head. Here are some samples of the kinds of letters I think of writing.

To the boss:

Dear Boss:

You can be a real jerk sometimes. If I didn't need the money, I'd have walked out of here about ten times in the last nineteen years.

You know how to make money, I'll admit that, but you don't know how to treat people. Once you hand out that little Christmas bonus, with the sappy memo saying what loyal employees we all are, you think you're Mr. Nice Guy. Big deal. Could you really afford the bonus after the profit the company made last year?

If things weren't so bad and if I were younger and if I didn't have three kids in college, I'd be out of here.

I'd come here early in the morning to clean out my desk. I'd park in your place by the front door marked "Reserved for President." When you dragged your butt in here about ten o'clock, there wouldn't be any place to park.

Maybe I'll see you in the company cafeteria at lunch and give you a piece of my mind. Ha! That'll be the day when you eat the garbage they serve us.

Sincerely,

Andrew R.

P.S. By the way, what did your snooty secretary do with all those ideas I put in the suggestion box? I suggested your company car ought to be a Ford instead of a Cadillac, for instance.

To the owner of the gas station garage:

Dear Ed:

I just got your bill for the job you did on my car. Isn't $237.50 a little stiff ... considering parts and labor were extra?

What's this third item here? It says "CRDLLCK MAC'ET INST FRD OPP. (BOTH 11 SIDES) $81.65.''

You have a sign posted over your cash register that says: "LABOR $45 AN HOUR." If your mechanic works ten hours a day five days a week and four hours on Saturday, he could be making $126,360 a year. Or don't you give him all of it? You're always complaining about how bad business is. If business is so bad, how come I have to book three weeks in advance to get the air changed in my tires?

Sincerely,

Andy

I've often written unmailed letters to the president of the bank:

Ralph Forsythe

President

First National American United Home Federal Bank

Dear Mr. Forsythe:

if there was a SECOND National American United Home Federal Bank, I'd take my money out of your bank and go to it.

What's all this gobbledygook you send me every month? I can't read it. Just tell me how much money I have left and how much I spent. That's all I want to know. I don't need a lot of your numbers.

How come the number on my checking account is bigger than the total number of people in the United States? And how come you send me my statement on the sixteenth— instead of on the first day of the month? It's real convenient ... for you but not for me.

Those cash machines you put in must be saving you a lot of money because you don't have to hire so many cashiers—whom you paid $3.50 an hour to handle $500,000 a day.

Customers no longer have to stand in line waiting for the cashier to cash their checks. Now we stand in line waiting for one of the machines.

Sincerely,

(You wouldn't know my name even though I've been banking there for 23 years.)

Look at it this way, I've just saved myself 75 cents not mailing these.