Stage IV: Husband-Wife Equal Partners

Since the late 1960s, a growing number of women have expressed a strong dissatisfaction with any marriage arrangement where the husband and his career are the primary considerations in the marriage. By the end of the 1970s, for example, considerably less than half of the women in the United States (38 percent) still believed that they should put their husbands and children ahead of their own careers. In the 1990s, most American women believe that they should be equal partners in their marriages and that their husbands should have equal responsibility for child care and household chores.

In an equal partnership marriage, the wife pursues a full-time job or career that has equal importance to her husband’s. The long-standing division of labor between husband and wife comes to an end. The husband is no longer the main provider of family income, and the wife no longer has the main responsibilities for household duties and raising children. Husband and wife share all these duties equally. Power over family decisions is also shared equally.

The reality of life in the United States is that although most American women now have an equal say in the decisions affecting the family, they generally earn less than men for the same work. Also, most women are still spending more time taking care of the children, cooking, and cleaning house than their husbands are. Many women are resentful because they feel like they have two full-time jobs – the one at work and the one at home. In the 1980s, women were told they could ‘have it all’ – fast-track career, husband, children, and a clean house. Now, some women are finding that lifestyle exhausting and unrewarding. Some young women are now choosing to stay at home until their children start school, but many others who would like to cannot afford to do so.

Juggling two careers and family responsibilities can be as difficult for men as it is for women, especially if there is truly an equal division of duties. American fathers are often seen dropping the kids off at the baby sitter’s or taking a sick child to the doctor. Some businesses are recognizing the need to accommodate families where both parents work. They may open a day-care centre in the office building, offer fathers ‘paternity leave’ to stay home with their new babies, or have flexible working hours. Unfortunately, these benefits are still the exception. While young couples strive to achieve equality in their careers, their marriages, and their parenting, society at large still lacks many of the structures that are needed to support them.

Unit 6

Are Parents Friends or Enemies?

Test

Is it hard to find a common language with your parents? Are your relations clouded with irritation and despair? You do not obviously know what to do, do you? Replying to the test given below will help you to overcome family disagreements and as a result improve your relations with parents.

1. My parents’ friends:

a) irritate me. I don’t like them; 5

b) I like some of them but I am indifferent to others; 3

c) sometimes it’s interesting to associate with them; 2

d) they are quite respectable people; 1

e) I appreciate and trust them. 0

2. When I get into an unpleasant situation:

a) I conceal it from my parents; 4

b) I will get nothing but nagging from my parents; 5

c) my parents will help me but then they will reproach me

for it for all the time; 3

d) they will grow nervous and scold me but will help me

to get out of it; 2

e) they will always give me good advice and support me

in any situation. 0

3. If I have a conflict with my teachers in my parents’ opinion:

a) it’s always my fault; 4

b) it’s always my teachers’ fault; 4

c) it’s a problem that we must solve together. 1

4. If I have a friend and my parents don’t like him:

a) they ignore him; 4

b) they are amiable with him but say nasty things behind his back; 3

c) they are aggressive with him; 3

d) they don’t disguise their feelings but allow me to make

a choice by myself. 1

5. I want my future family to be:

a) quite the opposite to my parents’ family; 3

b) similar to my parents’ family; 1

c) slightly similar to my parents’ family; 1

d) I have not thought about it yet. 1

6. About my personal tastes and preferences:

a) my parents know nothing; 3

b) know only those things that I permit them to know; 3

c) know the things which it’s impossible to hide; 3

d) know practically everything and they share some of them

with me. 1

7. My leisure time:

a) I never spend it with my parents; 4

b) I spend it with my parents because they want it but I hate it; 3

c) I willingly spend free time with my parents, if I am not busy. 1

8. I quarrel with my parents:

a) practically every day; 4

b) once a week; 3

c) once a month or less. 1

9. My quarrels with my parents end:

a) with mutual enmity; 4

b) when one of us yields to another; 3

c) with a quiet talk. 1

10. If I need some money but I don’t want to tell my parents for what:

a) I’ll never ask them for it; 4

b) I’ll invent a more or less plausible version; 4

c) I’ll tell them the truth, only in case they give me the money; 2

d) they trust me and will give me the money without any questions. 0

11. If my parents have problems:

a) most likely I won’t hear about it from them; 4

b) I’ll help, if they ask me; 3

c) I’ll put my work off and help them if it is in my power; 1

d) we’ll solve them together. 0

12. When my friends have problems, my parents:

a) are the last to be informed; 4

b) will say that it is none of their business; 4

c) will be ready to help them but with some conditions; 1

d) will help in any case. 0

13. At family celebrations with my parents:

a) I behave as if I were in prison; 4

b) I sit for half an hour out of respect and try to slip away; 3

c) I behave differently. It depends on who our guests are; 2

d) I have fun with others. 1

14. When my mother’s or father’s Birthday comes:

a) I don’t worry – we never give presents to each other; 4

b) I always find it difficult to choose a good present and

end up giving a souvenir; 3

c) I’ll buy something useful for them or for the house; 2

d) I always know which present my parents are eager to receive. 0

15. If I have problems of an intimate character:

a) I’ll never tell my parents about it; 4

b) it is a closed theme for our family; 4

c) it is easier for me to appeal to other adults than to my parents; 2

d) it’s possible to discuss some details with my parents. 1

16. If my mother buys a fashionable expensive thing for herself:

a) I think that such things are more necessary for me; 4

b) I’m quite indifferent; 2

c) I’m happy for her. 0

17. In regard to my image and looks:

a) I can do whatever I like since my parents are indifferent to it; 4

b) I often hear sneers and critical remarks; 3

c) Sometimes my parents give me good advice; 1

d) They often say: “You look fabulous!” 0

The Result

50-72 points:The atmosphere in your family is practically always aggressive. Don’t forget that the relationship with parents is your responsibility too. You ought to take the first step as you are younger and stronger.

25-49 points:It won’t do you any good to quarrel with your parents, you will have to make up in the end. As soon as you take into consideration that your parents have feelings, wishes and needs, they will recognize you as their equal.

15-24 points:Sometimes misunderstanding, irritation and despair darken the relationships with your parents. There are no ideal families you know but practically all people try to improve their relations with family members by seeking different ways. It’s worth discussing and solving problems together.

Under 15 points:If you have answered the questions honestly, you can conclude that your relationship with your parents is rather happy. But sometimes such an idyll can hide your weakness, dependence on parents and disinclination to become an independent person.

By Kovalenko Daria

Unit 7

Divorce in Great Britain

In the past, families tended to stay together. They felt it was their duty to do this and that marriage was for life. Divorce was not socially acceptable. It was a commonly held view that a bad marriage was better than no marriage at all.

In Britain, as in many industrialized societies, there has been a steady rise in the numbers of divorces. The Second World War disrupted a lot of marriages, due to enforced separation and hasty marriages which were later regretted. Immediately after the war there were a record number of divorces and the proportion of marriages involving a divorced partner grew from 2% in 1940 to 32% in 1985.

Legal changes this century have made it much easier to get a divorce. The most dramatic change resulted from the 1971 divorce law. The law stated that there needed to be only one reason for a divorce petition – the “irretrievable breakdown of marriage”. This was a much wider category than the previous ones of cruelty, insanity, desertion or adultery.

The change in the law had an immediate effect. In 1972 there were over 119,000 divorces in England and Wales and the rate has continued to rise. The total number in 1990 was over 153,000, around 2% higher than in 1989. Proposed laws may make divorce even easier.

Couples can now afford the legal side of getting and surviving a divorce more easily than at any time in the past. However, for many families it is still an economic disaster as well as being emotionally difficult.

Another possible reason behind the rise in the divorce rate is the changing attitude to marriage itself. The traditional Christian approach to marriage has been against divorce. As the Church becomes less influential in the UK, the view of marriage as a union for life has weakened. The result is that the break-up of a marriage is seen as less of a normal crisis and more as a matter of personal happiness.

Perhaps the people most affected by a divorce are the children. According to current forecasts, about 20% of children in Britain will experience family breakdown by the age of 16. There has been growing concern for such children, who are usually between the ages of five and ten. Recent laws indicated that first consideration should be given to the welfare of the children when making financial arrangements after a divorce.

If marriage is going through a troubled time, the partners may ask for help from the voluntary counsellors of an organization which is called “Relate” (formerly the Marriage Guidance Council).