Authors from which we could choose. He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and
began: "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student behind me whispered, "He's taking attendance!"
-----------------------------
FEE
Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The men said that would cost an additional forty-five dollar service fee, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $45.
-----------------------------
PART NUMBER 669
A parts manager for a small electronics shop had occasion to order part number 669 from the factory. When he received it, he noticed that someone had sent part number 699 instead. Furious at the factory's incompetence, he promptly sent the part back, along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back, with a letter containing just four words: "TURN THE BOX OVER."
-----------------------------
VISITING GRANDMOTHER
When I stopped the bus to pick up Steven for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Steven said. "She's come to visit
us for the holidays." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," he replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
-----------------------------
TOOTHBRUSH TROUBLE
My four-year-old son, Zachary, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. I went into the bathroom, fished it out, and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom, and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up, and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
-----------------------------
TALKATIVE WIFE
Sid was discussing wives with his pal, Eddie. "Sid," Eddie asked, "is your wife talkative?" "Yeah, mine sure is", Sid answered. "How about yours?" "Well, let me put it this way", replied Eddie, "Last month, I had a bad cold for three days. I lost my voice and my wife never knew it!"
-----------------------------
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Iowa, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Michigan. He bragged that he had
Given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them
that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his
Whole house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third
Man had married a Nebraska girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for
every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,
But by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left
Eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.
-----------------------------
KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY
A lady had the misfortune to lose her season ticket for the railway. On the same evening she had a call from two boys, the elder of whom at once handed her the lost ticket. The lady, delighted at