Points for discussion

1. Most adults think of their childhood as being the most happy time.

2. Happiness may be defined as the state of minimal repression.

3. There's never a problem child, there are only problem parents.

4. Enjoying things is essential to a child's development.

5. The positive role of affectionate background for childhood.

6. God's gift that everyone deserves is self-worth, self-esteem.

Task 6: Read the text. Find the debatable points and comment on them.

IN PRAISE OF PRAISE

By Tom Crabtree

One sunny summer afternoon, my wife and I were sitting in the garden with two friends. Their six-year-old son behaved remarkably well playing quietly with his toys. Not a word was said to him.

Eventually, after at least an hour, the boy came over to us and hit his father over the head with a rolled-up newspaper. "'You horrible, naughty boy", shouted his mother. As a child psychologist and a parent myself, I thought this was unfair. The boy's good behaviour had gone unnoticed. So to gain attention, he resorted, successfully, to bad behaviour.

In common with many parents, this mother paid attention to her child when he behaved badly, rather than rewarding him when he was good.

Many parents bring in the heavy artillery when all the bad behaviour requires – at that stage – is a warning shot. They shout, or worse when the going is bad, they forget to praise when the going is good.

Another friend avoided this error. She praised her four children at every opportunity. I remember having tea with her. The children made tea, served it, cleared the plates. "You're all marvellous," she kept saying. At the end of the afternoon she grabbed them and gave them all a hug.

On the rare occasions that they behaved badly, she would give them one of her looks. She would then slowly count to ten, she told me. "What happens when you get to ten?" I asked her.

She gave me one of her looks. "I never, ever, get to ten."

Praise is vital to us all. It works much better than criticism or punishment. To work, punishment has to be massive. But without giving children some rewards – and a hug or a word of praise can be very powerful – life with them can be a bed of roses: very thorny indeed.

Along with praise, children need prestige and responsibility. In fact, we all need to feel that we're special, unique, worth something. Tell me about my weaknesses, if you will. Don't forget, though, to let me know about my strengths.

Giving a child the opportunity to taste prestige is a way to eliminate the negative in his or her behaviour and accentuate the positive. Gregory, aged six, was an enormous boy, the biggest child at the preschool. He was also a bully. He charged round the playground like a demented rhino, knocking down everyone in his path. As the child's psychologist, I had a word with his headmistress. We put into action our prestige strategy.

It was coming up to Christmas and we made Gregory a gold helmet out of papier mache. We also exercised poetic licence and put him in the school nativity play as Goliath. "You are very strong, but you have to look after baby Jesus, his mother Mary and all the children," the headmistress explained.

Gregory was magnificent, the star of the show. Thereafter, in the playground, still wearing his golden helmet, he took it upon himself to ensure that none of the other children came to harm. His teacher praised him for behaving well. Punishment had never worked with him. Prestige and recognition were what he craved.

All children need help and encouragement in taking responsibility for themselves. Discipline is about being responsible for one's own behavior and responsive to the needs of others.

James was four when his mother phoned me at my clinic. "My son has a very loud voice," she told me. "How loud?" I asked. "Loud enough to annoy the neighbours and to frighten other children," she replied. She brought James to see me. His voice was loud. His mother had tried everything, including shouting at him and even smacking him, to get him to speak more softly.

How can we get him to keep the noise down? I wondered. Then I had an idea. I took the lid of a cocoa-tin, put a couple of holes in it and threaded a loop of string through the holes. Then I hung the lid round James's neck, so it rested on his chest.

"What's this for?" he shouted. The window panes in my consulting room rattled.

I played a radio to James and showed him how to turn the sound up and down using the volume-control dial. Then I asked him to speak and to use the cocoa-tin lid as his own volume control. Whenever his voice became loud, his mother would say, "Down a bit." When he spoke softly, his mother said, "That's fine." (And I said, "That's brilliant!")

Very soon, James learnt to speak at normal volume. A bit of ingenuity, plus praise, had worked wonders. To give others praise, prestige and responsibility is to treat them with respect, to give them a chance to do something with their lives – for the benefit of themselves and others.

Years ago, when I had just started training to be a psychologist, I worked for a consultant who never praised me. One day I asked him: "How am I doing?” He looked surprised and said, "You're doing very well. Why do you ask?"

I asked because I needed to be told. Praise is a basic human need. Without it, none of us gives of our best. With it, we give of our best, willingly. "You look fabulous!" "That meal was marvellous!" "You're terrific!”. Think of the effect these words have on you. Think of the effect a few words of praise, an arm round the shoulder, a hug, have on others, especially young children.

They need those words of affirmation and encouragement, that compliment, the appreciation of doing something well or of just being who they are. Don't overdo praise, but do praise. It's no use thinking it. We must say the words.

Points for discussion:

1. Describe the boy’s behaviour

2. Speak on the parents’ methods of upbringing their children

3. Speak on the effect the words of praise can have

4. A word of encouragement can work wonders