Supplementary Reading and Vocabulary Enrichment. Read the text, translate the parts in italics and bold type and be ready to speak about the rules of English conversation.

Read the text, translate the parts in italics and bold type and be ready to speak about the rules of English conversation.

HUMOUR RULES

Kate Fox

The most noticeable and important 'rule' about humour in English conversation is its dominance and pervasiveness. Humour rules. Humour governs. Humour is omnipresent and omnipotent. I wasn't even going to do a separate chapter on humour, because I knew that, like class, it permeates every aspect of English life and culture, and would therefore just naturally crop up in different contexts throughout the book. It did, but the trouble with English humour is that it is so pervasive that to convey its role in our lives I would have to mention it in every other paragraph, which would eventually become tedious - so it got its own chapter after all.

There is an awful lot of guff talked about the English Sense of Humour, including many patriotic attempts to prove that our sense of humour is somehow unique and superior to everyone else's. Many English people seem to believe that we have some sort of global monopoly, if not on humour itself, then at least on certain 'brands' of humour — the high-class ones such as wit and especially irony. My findings indicate that while there may indeed be something distinctive about English humour, the real 'defining characteristic' is the value we put on humour, the central importance of humour in English culture and social interactions.

In other cultures, there is 'a time and a place' for humour; it is a special, separate kind of talk. In English conversation, there is always an undercurrent of humour. We can barely manage to say 'hello' or comment on the weather without somehow contriving to make a bit of a joke out of it, and most English conversations will involve at least some degree of banter, teasing, irony, understatement, humorous self- deprecation, mockery or just silliness. Humour is our 'default mode', if you like: we do not have to switch it on deliberately, and we cannot switch it off. For the English, the rules of humour are the cultural equiv­alent of natural laws — we obey them automatically, rather in the way that we obey the law of gravity.

THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT BEING EARNEST RULE

At the most basic level, an underlying rule in all English conversation is the proscription of 'earnestness'. Although we may not have a monopoly on humour, or even on irony, the English are probably more acutely sensitive than any other nation to the distinction between 'serious' and 'solemn', between 'sincerity' and 'earnestness'.

This distinction is crucial to any kind of understanding of Englishness. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough: if you are not able to grasp these subtle but vital differences, you will never under­stand the English — and even if you speak the language fluently, you will never feel or appear entirely at home in conversation with the English. Your English may be impeccable, but your behavioural 'grammar' will be full of glaring errors.

Once you have become sufficiently sensitized to these distinctions, the Importance of Not Being Earnest rule is really quite simple. Seriousness is acceptable, solemnity is prohibited. Sincerity is allowed, earnestness is strictly forbidden. Pomposity and self-importance are outlawed.Serious matters can be spoken of seriously, but one must never take oneself too seriously. The ability to laugh at ourselves, although it may be rooted in a form of arrogance, is one of the more endearing characteristics of the English. (At least, I hope I am right about this: if I have overestimated our ability to laugh at ourselves, this book will be rather unpopular.)

To take a deliberately extreme example, the kind of hand-on-heart, gushing earnestness and pompous, Bible-thumping solemnity favoured by almost all American politicians would never win a single vote in this country — we watch these speeches on our news programmes with a kind of smugly detached amusement, wondering how the cheering crowds can possibly be so credulous as to fall for this sort of nonsense. When we are not feeling smugly amused, we are cringing with vic­arious embarrassment: how can these politicians bring themselves to utter such shamefully earnest platitudes, in such ludicrously solemn tones? We expect politicians to speak largely in platitudes, of course — ours are no different in this respect - it is the earnestness that makes us wince.

And Americans, although among the easiest to scoff at, are by no means the only targets of our cynical censure. The sentimental patri­otism of leaders and the portentous earnestness of writers, artists, actors, musicians, pundits and other public figures of all nations are treated with equal derision and disdain by the English, who can spot the slightest hint of self-importance at twenty paces, even on a grainy television picture and in a language we don't understand.

THE “OH, COME OFF IT!” RULE

The English ban on earnestness, and specifically on taking oneself too seriously, means that our own politicians and other public figures have a particularly tough time. The sharp-eyed English public is even less tolerant of any breaches of these rules on home ground, and even the smallest lapse - the tiniest sign that a speaker may be overdoing the intensity and crossing the fine line from sincerity to earnestness — will be spotted and picked up on immediately, with scornful cries of 'Oh, come off it!'

And we are just as hard on each other, in ordinary everyday conver­sation, as we are on those in the public eye. In fact, if a country or culture could be said to have a catchphrase, I would propose 'Oh, come off it!' as a strong candidate for England's national catchphrase. Jeremy Paxman's candidate is 'I know my rights' - well, he doesn't actually use the term catchphrase, but he refers to this one frequently, and it is the only such phrase that he includes in his personal list of defining characteristics of Englishness. I take his point, and 'I know my rights' does beautifully encapsulate a peculiarly English brand of stubborn individualism and a strong sense of justice. But I would maintain that the armchair cynicism of 'Oh, come off it!' is more truly representa­tive of the English psyche than the belligerent activism suggested by 'I know my rights'. This may be why, as someone once said, the English have satire instead of revolutions.

Among the young and others susceptible to linguistic fads and fash­ions, the current response might be the ironic 'Yeah, right' rather than 'Oh, come off it!' — but the principle is the same. Similarly, those who break the Importance of Not Being Earnest rule are described in the latest slang as being 'up themselves', rather than the more traditional 'full of themselves'. By the time you read this, these may in turn have been superseded by new expressions, but the underlying rules and values are deep-rooted, and will remain unchanged.

IRONY RULES

The English are not usually given to patriotic boasting - indeed, both patriotism and boasting are regarded as unseemly, so the combination of these two sins is doubly distasteful. But there is one significant excep­tion to this rule, and that is the patriotic pride we take in our sense of humour, particularly in our expert use of irony. The popular belief is that we have a better, more subtle, more highly developed sense of humour than any other nation, and specifically that other nations are all tediously literal in their thinking and incapable of understanding or appreciating irony. Almost all of the English people I interviewed subscribed to this belief, and many foreigners, rather surprisingly, humbly concurred.

Although we seem to have persuaded ourselves and a great many others of our superior sense of irony, I remain, as I have already indi­cated, not entirely convinced. Humour is universal; irony is a univer­sally important ingredient of humour: no single culture can possibly claim a monopoly on it. My research suggests that, yet again, the irony issue is a question of degree - a matter of quantity rather than quality. What is unique about English humour is the pervasiveness of irony and the importance we attach to it. Irony is the dominant ingredient in English humour, not just a piquant flavouring. Irony rules. The English, according to an acute observer of the minutiae of Englishness, are 'conceived in irony. We float in it from the womb. It's the amniotic fluid . . . Joking but not joking. Caring but not caring. Serious but not serious.'

It must be said that many of my foreign informants found this aspect of Englishness frustrating, rather than amusing: 'The problem with the English,'complained one American visitor, 'is that you never know when they are joking — you never know whether they are being serious or not'. This was a businessman, travelling with a female colleague from Holland. She considered the issue frowningly for a moment, and then concluded, somewhat tentatively, 'I think they are mostly joking, yes?'

She had a point. And I felt rather sorry for both of them. I found in my interviews with foreign visitors that the English predilection for irony posed more of a problem for those here on business than for tourists and other pleasure-seekers. J. B. Priestley observed that: 'The atmosphere in which we English live is favourable to humour. It is so often hazy, and very rarely is everything clear-cut'. And he puts 'a feeling for irony' at the top of his list of ingredients of English humour. Our humour-friendly atmosphere is all very well if you are here on holiday, but when you are negotiating deals worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, like my hapless informants quoted above, this hazy, irony-soaked cultural climate can clearly be something of a hindrance.

For those attempting to acclimatize to this atmosphere, the most important 'rule' to remember is that irony is endemic: like humour in general, irony is a constant, a given, a normal element of ordinary, everyday conversation. The English may not always be joking, but they are always in a state of readiness for humour. We do not always say the opposite of what we mean, but we are always alert to the possi­bility of irony. When we ask someone a straightforward question (e.g. 'How are the children?'), we are equally prepared for either a straight­forward response ('Fine, thanks.') or an ironic one ('Oh, they're delightful - charming, helpful, tidy, studious . . .' To which the reply is 'Oh dear. Been one of those days, has it?').

The Understatement Rule

I'm putting this as a sub-heading under irony, because understatement is a form of irony, rather than a distinct and separate type of humour. It is also a very English kind of irony — the understatement rule is a close cousin of the Importance of Not Being Earnest rule, the 'Oh, come off it' rule and the various reserve and modesty rules that govern our everyday social interactions. Understatement is by no means an exclusively English form of humour, of course: again, we are talking about quantity rather than quality. George Mikes said that the under­statement 'is not just a speciality of the English sense of humour; it is a way of life'. The English are rightly renowned for their use of under­statement, not because we invented it or because we do it better than anyone else, but because we do it so much. (Well, maybe we do do it a little bit better — if only because we get more practice at it.)

The reasons for our prolific understating are not hard to discover: our strict prohibitions on earnestness, gushing, emoting and boasting require almost constant use of understatement. Rather than risk exhibiting any hint of forbidden solemnity, unseemly emotion or exces­sive zeal, we go to the opposite extreme and feign dry, deadpan indif­ference. The understatement rule means that a debilitating and painful chronic illness must be described as 'a bit of a nuisance'; a truly horrific experience is 'well, not exactly what I would have chosen'; a sight of breathtaking beauty is 'quite pretty'; an outstanding performance or achievement is 'not bad'; an act of abominable cruelty is 'not very friendly', and an unforgivably stupid misjudgement is 'not very clever'; the Antarctic is 'rather cold' and the Sahara 'a bit too hot for my taste'; and any exceptionally delightful object, person or event, which in other cultures would warrant streams of superlatives, is pretty much covered by 'nice', or, if we wish to express more ardent approval, 'very nice'.

Needless to say, the English understatement is another trait that many foreign visitors find utterly bewildering and infuriating (or, as we English would put it, 'a bit confusing'). 'I don't get it,' said one exasperated informant. 'Is it supposed to be funny? If it's supposed to be funny, why don't they laugh - or at least smile? Or something. How the hell are you supposed to know when "not bad" means "absolutely brilliant" and when it just means "OK"? Is there some secret sign or something that they use? Why can't they just say what they mean?'

This is the problem with English humour. Much of it, including and perhaps especially the understatement, isn't actually very funny - or at least not obviously funny, not laugh-out-loud funny, and definitely not cross-culturally funny. Even the English, who understand it, are not exactly riotously amused by the understatement. At best, a well-timed, well-turned understatement only raises a slight smirk. But then, this is surely the whole point of the understatement: it is amusing, but only in an understated way. It is humour, but it is a restrained, refined, subtle form of humour.

Even those foreigners who appreciate the English understatement, and find it amusing, still experience considerable difficulties when it comes to using it themselves. My father tells me about some desper­ately anglophile Italian friends of his, who were determined to be as English as possible - they spoke perfect English, wore English clothes, even developed a taste for English food. But they complained that they couldn't quite 'do' the English understatement, and pressed him for instructions. On one occasion, one of them was describing, heatedly and at some length, a ghastly meal he had had at a local restaurant — the food was inedible, the place was disgustingly filthy, the service rude beyond belief, etc., etc. 'Oh,' said my father, at the end of the tirade, 'So, you wouldn't recommend it, then?' 'YOU SEE?' cried his Italian friend. 'That's it! How do you do that? How do you know to do that? How do you know when to do it?' 'I don't know,' said my father apolo­getically. 'I can't explain. We just do it. It just comes naturally.'

This is the other problem with the English understatement: it is a rule, but a rule in the fourth OED sense of 'the normal or usual state of things' - we are not conscious of obeying it; it is somehow wired into our brains. We are not taught the use of the understatement, we learn it by osmosis. The understatement 'comes naturally' because it is deeply ingrained in our culture, part of the English psyche.

The understatement is also difficult for foreigners to 'get' because it is, in effect, an in-joke about our own unwritten rules of humour. When we describe, say, a horrendous, traumatic and painful experience as 'not very pleasant', we are acknowledging the taboo on earnestness and the rules of irony, but at the same time making fun of our ludicrously rigid obedience to these codes. We are exercising restraint, but in such an exaggerated manner that we are also (quietly) laughing at ourselves for doing so. We are parodying ourselves. Every understatement is a little private joke about Englishness.

THE SELF-DEPRECATION RULE

Like the English understatement, English self-deprecation can be seen as a form of irony. It usually involves not genuine modesty but saying the opposite of what we really mean — or at least the opposite of what we intend people to understand.

The issue of English modesty will come up again and again in this book, so I should clear up any misunderstandings about it straight away. When I speak of 'modesty rules', I mean exactly that - not that the English are somehow naturally more modest and self-effacing than other nations, but that we have strict rules about the appearance of modesty. These include both 'negative' rules, such as prohibitions on boasting and any form of self-importance, and 'positive' rules, actively prescribing self-deprecation and self-mockery. The very abundance of these unwritten rules suggests that the English are not naturally or instinctively modest: the best that can be said is that we place a high value on modesty, that we aspire to modesty. The modesty that we actu­ally display is generally false — or, to put it more charitably, ironic. And therein lies the humour. Again, we are not talking about obvious, thigh-slapping funniness: the humour of English self-deprecation, like that of the English understatement, is understated, often to the point of being almost imperceptible — and bordering on incomprehensible to those unfamiliar with English modesty rules.

To show how it works, however, I will take a relatively blatant example. My fiancé is a brain surgeon. When we first met, I asked what had led him to choose this profession. 'Well, um,' he replied, 'I read PPE [Philosophy, Politics and Economics] at Oxford, but I found it all rather beyond me, so, er, I thought I'd better do something a bit less difficult.' I laughed, but then, as he must have expected, protested that surely brain surgery could not really be described as an easy option. This gave him a further opportunity for self-deprecation. 'Oh no, it's nowhere near as clever as it's cracked up to be; to be honest it's actu­ally a bit hit-or-miss. It's just plumbing, really, plumbing with a micro­scope — except plumbing's rather more accurate.' It later emerged, as he must have known it would, that far from finding the intellectual demands of Oxford 'beyond him', he had entered with a scholarship and graduated with a First. 'I was a dreadful little swot,' he explained.

So was he being truly modest? No, but nor could his humorously self-deprecating responses really be described as deliberate, calculated 'false' modesty. He was simply playing by the rules, dealing with the embarrassment of success and prestige by making a self-denigrating joke out of it all, as is our custom. And this is the point, there was nothing extraordinary or remarkable about his humble self-mockery: he was just being English. We all do this, automatically, all the time. Even those of us with much less impressive achievements or credentials to disguise.

Among ourselves, this system works perfectly well: everyone under­stands that the customary self-deprecation probably means roughly the opposite of what is said, and is duly impressed, both by one's achievements and by one's reluctance to trumpet them. The problems arise when we English attempt to play this game with people from outside our own culture, who do not understand the rules, fail to appreciate the irony, and therefore have an unfortunate tendency to take our self-deprecating statements at face value. We make our customary modest noises, the uninitiated foreigners accept our appar­ently low estimate of our achievements, and are duly unimpressed. We cannot very well then turn round and say: 'No, hey, wait a minute, you're supposed to give me a sort of knowingly sceptical smile, showing that you realize I'm being humorously self-deprecating, don't believe a word of it and think even more highly of my abilities and my modesty'. They don't know that this is the prescribed English response to prescribed English self-deprecation. They don't know that we are playing a convo­luted bluffing game. They inadvertently call our bluff, and the whole thing backfires on us. And frankly, it serves us right for being so silly.

HUMOUR AND CLASS

Although elsewhere in this book I scrupulously identify class differences and variations in the application and observance of certain rules, you may have noticed that there has been no mention of class in this chapter. This is because the 'guiding principles' of English humour are class­less. The taboo on earnestness, and the rules of irony, understatement and self-deprecation transcend all class barriers. No social rule is ever universally obeyed, but among the English these humour rules are universally (albeit subconsciously) understood and accepted. Whatever the class context, breaches are noticed, frowned upon and ridiculed.

WATCHING THE ENGLISH

The rules of English humour may be classless, but it must be said that a great deal of everyday English humour is preoccupied with class issues. This is not surprising, given our national obsession with class, and our propensity to make everything a subject for humour. We are always laughing at class-related habits and foibles, mocking the aspirations and embarrassing mistakes of social climbers, and poking gentle fun at the class system.