A very dangerous invention

A step-ladder is a thing most useful to people who are moving into a new house. The servant finds it extremely convenient when they have to wash the windows, to remove the dust from the door and window-frames, and to perform many other household duties; but the master of the house will need it when he hangs his pictures, when he fixes the curtains and when he is asked by his wife to hang a shelf or two in the cellar.

I would, however, warn my countrymen against the thing which is offered to them under the name of Patent Combination Step-ladder. I bought one in the city just before we moved, because the shop assistant showed me how, by a simple operation of a set of springs, the ladder could be changed into an ironing-table, and from that into a comfortable settee for the kitchen, and finally back into a step-ladder, if the owner wished. It seemed very tempting to buy three things for a single price. So I bought it, but I soon discovered that it was not so useful as I had expected it to be.

On the day of its arrival, the servant used the ladder to remove the globes from a chandelier in the parlour, but while she was busy doing that work the springs unexpectedly began to move, and the machine was changed into an ironing-table, while the maid-servant was thrown down on the floor and lay there with a sprained ankle among the fragments of two globes broken into pieces.

After this unfortunate accident we decided to use the apparatus only as an ironing-table. Probably the thing would have remained an ironing-table, if it had been suitable for this purpose. On the following Tuesday, however, while half a dozen shirts were lying upon it ready to be ironed, someone passed by and knocked against it accidentally. It gave two or three threatening jerks, tore two shirts into rags, hurled the iron out into the yard, and after a few convulsive movements of the spring quietly took the shape of a step-ladder.

Then it became evident that it could with a greater safety be as a settee, and it was placed in the kitchen in that shape. For a few days we heard no more about it. It gave much satisfaction. But one night, when the servant had company, the bench was perhaps overloaded, for it had another and most alarming paroxysm; there was a trembling of the legs, then a tremendous jump, and one of the visitors was hurled against the range, while the machine turned several somersaults and appeared once more in the shape of an ironing-table.

It has now become so sensitive that goes through the entire drill very quickly if anyone comes near it or coughs or sneezes close at hand. We keep it in the garret and sometimes in the middle of the night a rat will come across the floor or a current of air will pass through the room, and we can hear it dancing over the floor and taking the shape of a ladder, a bench and a table fifteen or twenty times in quick succession.

We are willing to sell the machine for a very small sum. It might be a valuable addition to the collection of some good museum. I am sure that it will be more useful as a curiosity than a thing used for housework.

by Max Adeler

Exercise 1

Replace the italicized parts of the sentences by words and phrases from the text:

1. Once in a while the head of the household likes to do things about the house. Today, for instance, he is going to hang the curtains and take down the globes from the chandelier to be washed.

2. When the maid hit her elbow against the ironing-table it gave a jerk and threw her against the gas stove.

3. The cook was engaged in baking a cake because she was going to receive guests in the afternoon.

4. Too many people were sitting on the bench. No wonder it broke.

5. When are you taking your furniture and other things to the new flat?

Exercise 2

Find in the text English equivalents for the following and use them in sentences of your own:

витирати пил, вішати занавіски, знімати ковпаки з люстри, прасувальний стіл, в день прибуття, розбитись на дрізки, викинути на подвір’я, набути форми чогось, приймати гостей, чутливий, поблизу, служниця, хазяїн/хазяйка дому, дивовижа.

Exercise 3

Choose a proper word from those in brackets:

(master - mistress - landlord - landlady - host - hostess - owner)

1. Who is the .......… of this bicycle? I’d like to use it for a while.

2. We apologized to our amiable .....….. and left soon after tea.

3. Paul avoided meeting his .....….. in every possible way. The money had not arrived yet and he had nothing to pay his debt with.

4. The maid servant told the visitor that her .......... could not see him. She was in bed with a bad headache.

5. Margaret was the most charming .......... and she seemed to be well aware of it.

6. All the household trembled when Mr. Lawson returned home. He was a cruel .......... and it was always best to keep out of his way.

Exercise 4

Fill in the blanks with prepositions where required and retell the text.

HOUSEKEEPING

A good housewife, as a rule, rises early ___ the morning. First ___ all she makes a fire ___ the stove and then begins to make coffee and get breakfast ready. ___ the time the breakfast is ready, her husband and children are ___ too.

Breakfast is over, but her work is not; it has only just begun. While the eldest daughter attends ___ the children, she tidies the rooms. She sweeps the floors, makes the beds, dusts the furniture, etc. When everything ___ the house is quite neat and ___ good order, she goes marketing and buys provisions ___ the day. After that she begins to prepare lunch. When she sits ___ to lunch ___ midday, she feels fairly tired, and yet the day holds some more fatigue ___ reserve ___ her. There is a dinner to be cooked, but as it happens to be washing-day, there is a bundle ___ clothes to be washed and dried. The ironing and mending is generally done ___ evenings. Now that the washing is done, there comes the dinner to be prepared. It must be ready ___ the time father comes ___home from his work ___ six o’clock.

While father smokes his pipe ___ dinner, she clears the table and washes ___ the dishes. And that is not all. ___ a short while the smaller children are to be washed and put ___ bed. It’s only late in the evening that she manages to sit ___ ___ the armchair, but not to rest. There are the socks and stockings to be darned and clothes to be mended. She takes ___ her workbox ___ her scissors, reels ___ cotton and silk thread, pins and needles, caps her middle finger ___ her thimble, and down she gets to mending the clothes, putting ___ a patch here and sewing ___ a rent there. The evening has far advanced ___ the night and everything is quiet ___ the house. Even father has long ago put ___ his evening newspaper and gone ___ bed, but mother is still ___ work – ___ first, she goes ___ bed last.

Speaking

Write instructions to leave with the removal men who are helping you to move house. Tell them where everything is at the moment and where you would like it in your new home. Warn them about any particularly important or fragile articles.

Keeping your room tidy

(essential vocabulary)

To be keen on neatness

Spring cleaning

to clean the mess in one’s room

to turn out one’s room

to do one’s room/ to clean up